A different look

I visited my closest friend since childhood over the weekend. I needed a place to stay so that I could take the GRE in Western Massachusetts (Boston's schools' spots were filled) and he turned out to live only 10 minutes away from one of the testing centers. Of course I didn't know that when I registered; even then I wanted to spend some time with him and I thought this'd be a good time. So yeah.

But I've become realigned. It might be also because of getting the swine flu (supposedly) and because the GRE is over, at least for this year (but why would I need to take it again?), but I think it has the most to do with finally visiting a friend that I haven't seen in ages (3 months is ages to me - but has it been longer? I can't recall). My best friend. And when you get this old you realize that the word "best" shouldn't put the best friend above others or, and this is important, others below that best friend. But it's a certain relationship that just doesn't reproduce itself later on in life with anyone else. That's just the way it is.

And I realize that.

--

I also realized something else, lying in bed. People have told me to shoot for the sky. I've just been shooting for an atmosphere where I don't burn. And I like it that way. I can get pretty close to what they call the sky, and then just miss - but that's part of who I am. Almost amazing is good enough. The trouble is, what goes up must eventually come back to earth (or go soaring away), and unfortunately I can't say I tolerate burning temperatures any better than most people. And I won't come back down charred up.

I'm up at 4:10 AM on an early Monday morning again. I couldn't sleep. Can't say why it is but it might have something to do with not having eaten enough. More than likely it's because of my usual lack of social interaction on Sunday. This has been a common theme throughout my life and 2009 especially. Tufts has failed me for Sunday interactions. Man, I need to talk to the people in the band Taking Back Sunday - if you're named like that, you have to make your name into a mantra.

Speaking of meditation I've been playing Game Boy recently. I honestly don't have enough fun in my life - the failure is that I've been trying to keep things at an even level of fun, but that level of fun has been below the proper threshold. Man, I'm talking like Galen. That's no good. So yeah, I brought a box of my Game Boy games back with me and I beat Super Mario World on the trips to and from Springfield. (That's not that hard - know where all the secrets are and you won't lose too much time. You get to skip all the annoyingly hard levels that follow the Vanilla World. Fucking bridge zone)

I realize that I've lost my spirit to study somewhere along the line and it hasn't come back. Maybe it will. I just think that what I want to study now I can't study in school - non-Keynesian economics. Thought too radical for a typical university. Hence I'm probably going to continue with my plan to only take 2.5 classes at most next semester (the half credit being pilates, which meets twice a week as opposed to the cheaper Tufts Student Resources course that meets only once a week), probably 1.5 or even 1, and maybe work two-three jobs (more likely one) and just chill out and enjoy life for fuck's sake. Lord knows that after I graduate I'm going to be going somewhere else, so let's just enjoy being here for a bit.

...
How on earth did that fucking enormous bug get back in this room?