Embarrassment (恥ずかしさ) and Why I Like T-Pain

I am a very easily embarrassed person. Sometimes I just let the embarrassment eat me. I realized this as I was taking a shower a couple of hours ago, and I decided I'd make a list of things that embarrass me currently.

-I got an 82 on my algebra final
-I improved to 600 on the GRE subject test. That's still 40th percentile.
-I haven't sent out my rec forms to my rec writers for grad schools
-I have very little social life at Tufts so I don't really know what to say when people ask me what I did or what I'm gonna do tonight, or I just make up some excuse
-I wonder how the above bodes for my romantic life whenever I have a chance at some guy who likes me, although my chances haven't been as infrequent as I thought

That's basically it, I think. Oh

-I forgot to send my GRE scores to USC by the deadline, and that was Dec 15, and I still have not contacted them about it.

When you look at this list, it doesn't really seem that bad. But then I generalize this into a semester of mediocrity in my head. I feel that way. And then it makes me feel bad.

-I guess that in itself is embarrassing.

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Why I like T-Pain

T-Pain is an amazing artist. Not necessarily for the typical reasons. You know how every great artist has something wrong or quirky with him or her that comes along with his or her art? Like how Kanye's ego gets the best of him? Well, with T-Pain you could argue that what's wrong is inside the music itself. In other words, the music isn't as great as it could be. But that in itself makes T-Pain a very interesting artist for me. Maybe the most interesting.

If I feel down then T-Pain's music always makes me feel like there's something in the world in harmony with how I feel. I can hear an inherent sadness in his music, that exists despite the lyrics or the autotuning. I can hear it there. That's why I generally don't care too much about lyrics in music - because there's so much more to hear than lyrics. But yeah, I feel it there. I can't pinpoint where it is, but I feel it. And I hear it alongside something that's beautiful but separate. It's separate from the sadness. I don't like the idea of beautiful sadness. Sadness sucks. But I like the idea of beauty alongside sadness. That's how I really feel like things are in life, at least for my head. I can be instantly happy if someone finds the solution to something I'm sad about quickly. Like this kid from elementary school who suddenly forgot he was in dire pain after bumping into a pole or something when his mom told him that the food from Wendy's was here. Beauty too close to sadness is something that scares me. Well, no, that's not true. It's beauty that is sadness that scares me and I hate. Maybe.

When I listen to music in general, well, it's often "bad music." But when I hear something that I myself think is strange but bad in music, and it's alongside something that's very good, I am immediately interested. T-Pain does this to me every time. He managed to make art out of "Cyclone" and "Low" (he uses something called a "mode" in music theory terms in the latter song). It's clear that without him, songs like "Kiss Kiss," "Shawty Get Loose," and "Freeze" (all of which have Chris Brown. I'll admit that the last one is one of his own rather than one where he's a featured artist) are nothing, outright boring. But basiaclly, how does he do it? And what's missing?

Well, what's missing is a classical background or a proper training in music production. He could probably smooth a lot of things out if he gained a little bit of experience in either of the two. But as it is, he's doing really well. And that's something that excites me - someone who can get by WITHOUT the traditional hierarchical systems of learning. There are very few who can do that, because the hierarchy is just that strong. And he basically made his own way with the autotune trick, which has been used before but never so prominently. Finally he's an innovator in an industry that is so utterly lacking of innovation. And he's funny and he knows it and how to be funny.

So it's really interesting to see him grow and experiment. I think it's notable that he hasn't jumped on the dance bandwagon just yet. With my own music I'd do that, if I knew how. He probably doesn't know how and just is gonna go along and do his own thing. I do that. He's totally like me in that respect, if that's what it is. He started a trend in hip-hop without even intending to. I mean, his music isn't JUST autotune. It's music. Whereas 50 Cent is just a monotone bumbling thug, Soulja Boy a yelling dance instructor, and Eminem an annoying screeching boy who rhymes about unusual topics. And Lil Jon... well, he's the best example. Look where he is now - a producer getting production from RedOne. And that RedOne-LilJon song is GOOD, yes, but it should tell you about the lastability of his kind of work.

Can't wait for the next few T-Pain singles. I also can't wait until he actually makes a good album.